i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
