You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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