If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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