Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize