I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
