2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
