her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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