You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He had one of those small greek statue penises
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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