What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
