the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
