I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I love you. Go after that dick
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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