try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
