I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
