so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The Olympian is in my bed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
