It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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