No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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