i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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