Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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