Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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