don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
