Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
