is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
