I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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