The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
