what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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