You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
