We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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