How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
