pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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