i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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