my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
