I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
