Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize