I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
