Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
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