now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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