He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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