Having a random hookup so left but love u
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
