your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Say something about gay babies.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think my moral compass just broke
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
