so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
