I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
