i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
