I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
