So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you had me at cake vodka
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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