She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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