WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
