You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
