The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
