Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
