Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was CRYING into my vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
