Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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