theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
