ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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