Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
