The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
