Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
