He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She needs sedatives and a leash
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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