So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
