i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
