Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She announced her abortion via fbk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
